Pike's Peek
by Ned Downie

It's never to late to to set the historical record straight even after decades of propaganda to serve selfish interests.

The name given to the lofty mountain crest was actually fabricated in the 1920s to replace the original appellation, which referred to the commercial enterprise of one Hiram Pike, who had set out from Harrison, Arkansas to join the Gold Rush in 1849.

Unfortunately Pike's provisions ran out about the time he reached the eastern foothills of the Continental Divide, and there he made camp—not in the awe-inspiring elevation of the mountains, but in a low, swampy area. And to repair his fortune he capitalized on the only salable assets he had: peeks at his two nubile daughters, ages 16 and 18, through the canvas flaps of the Studebaker wagon as they performed their ablutions in the morning and again in the evening as they donned their nightgowns preparatory to retiring. Hence the name of the encampment and the business.

For many years thereafter there reposed on the site an historical marker—until it was dynamited by the Colorado Chamber of Commerce at the behest of certain real estate interests in Aspen and Telluride and Christian interests in Colorado Springs.

One hopes succeeding generations will not judge Mr. Pike too harshly.

He did what he needed to do to survive, and indeed the trip west was made successfully, and concluded with rather more funds in the family coffers than had been there initially.

The Pikes did reach San Francisco, but unhappily Hiram lost his life when he was careless enough to exit his hotel without scanning up and down the street to ensure the absence of gun play.

His daughters fared better, the elder joining the WCTU, where she labored to extirpate vice from the notorious Tenderloin District. The younger, variously said to be called Mindy or Mandy, proceeded north, where she was to found a lumber dynasty, a cottage industry of suspicious creature reportage, and other enterprises.

I'm delighted to have been able to disabuse my readers of bogus, whitewashed history that's been all too prevalent in our culture.

Remember, you heard it hear first!

(Note: the dust upon no history books was disturbed in the preparation of this article, nor were the servers of Wikipedia burdened.)