By and By
by Jane Hale

"Damnation! I cannot get these cow chips to burn!" Mattie Piedmont Johnson Denton kicked at the frozen, dried manure causing it to dampen the wretched campfire as it thawed. The smoldering heap of dung that should provide warmth for her family was a lot like her life with her husband, Alvin. She missed the man she thought he was when she married him.

Mattie gathered her coat around her. She tucked strains of unruly hair beneath the bandana that partially protected her ears from the intolerable Texas wind that cut to the bone.

"Lordy, Lordy, sometimes I wish Alvin had never returned home." She cursed herself for letting the husband who had deserted her and their children come back into their lives. As if that wasn't enough she'd let him sweet-talk her into moving to Indian Territory in the dead of winter. They could have been snug in their beds in Beaumont, Texas. But no, here she and the children were in the middle of nowhere while Alvin traipsed off on a life-saving-mission. The group of wagons they'd joined to travel through Texas had moved on to ford the Red River into what they called Oklahoma, The Red Man's Country.

Mattie swiped a gloved hand over her stinging eyes. "Why do you never listen, Alvin? You know I can't build a fire," she shouted to the desolate countryside.

As if in answer, the wind plastered a piece of paper against her face. Mattie grabbed the paper preparing to feed it to her fire when the headline of the flyer caught her eye.

"Would you like to win 160 acres in Oklahoma?" Mattie knew the story by heart. Alvin preached it day and night and now they were living it. She continued to read, "In 1901, Congressmen reserved the most choice of the Indian territories for the Comanches and devised a land lottery for settlers at Lawton, Oklahoma as the beginning of a new frontier."

Mattie clasped the paper against the firmness of her breast, remembering the excitement she'd felt the night Alvin had returned home. She'd thought him gone from their lives. Instead he'd been building a future in a distant land as a doctor, the profession for which he'd earned a degree but foolishly lost through transgressions in the state of Texas.

Alvin's eyes blazed with the light of a distance land. His passion of purpose was overpowering. "With the advent of the nineteen hundreds, Mattie, I've seen history unfold before my very eyes in the wilderness they call the Big Pasture." He told her his sure-fired-plan to become a man of property in a place called Lawton, Oklahoma, where he'd set up his practice.

Mattie tried to persuade her husband to settle in Beaumont, Texas with her and the children until the winter was over. "There's plenty of work for a doctor on the coast. Especially with the off-shore drilling crews in the area. It's not like we don't have a home. Mama deeded the plantation to me, you know."

"Rub it in my face, Mattie. You are a woman of property while I'm a vagabond chasing a dream in the Oklahoma Territory."

"Hush up, Alvin Denton. I'll hear no more of that. You are a family man and a respected, qualified MD." She'd covered her mouth with her fingers too late. They both knew Alvin had forfeited respect while practicing in Fort Worth, a town not likely to let him forget it.

Alvin blushed to the roots of his thick, sandy hair. Pain raced across his handsome countenance but his jaw line hardened and he lifted his chin defiantly. "Stay in Texas if you will, Mattie, but I must return to Oklahoma. I've made my peace with the Lord and done my penance serving mankind there. I feel I've cleansed myself of the old century. I'm here to ask your forgiveness, Mattie."

His words of admittance strummed the cords of discontent with which she'd lived for three lonely years. "What obsession pulls you back to the red man's country, Alvin? Have you lived alone all this time? Or perhaps you've set up housekeeping with —"

"Nonsense!" He slammed his fist down on the table. "I speak of cleansing and you speak of filth. I offer you hope for tomorrow and you dreg up weaknesses of the past."

Mattie's pulse quickened as she remembered Alvin, as a lover, a husband, a father. Slow down, Mattie, she told herself, he's made other hearts flutter, too. But, knowing some of the blame rested with her, she smiled.

Encouraged, Alvin continued, "Our family should be settled in Oklahoma by the new year, 1901. I've been practicing medicine in the town of Lawton. Money is scarce but I've instructed my nurse to inform patients we will accept their land lottery registrations in payment for my services." He smiled proudly. "I should be a man of means after the drawing August ninth."

Just like that Alvin re-entered their lives, interrupted their comfortable existence, and they were headed into Indian country.

Mattie spoke aloud as she stared at the cow chips. "I wish I had some of those darn lottery papers now. Maybe they'd make this contrary fire burn." She wadded up the flyer and threw it into the pile of chips.

She should have left earlier this morning with the small band of homesteaders traveling to Lawton but she couldn't drive both wagons. And, she couldn't bring herself to leave any of their possessions behind, especially her beloved organ. Wagon space was scarce. Alvin had already warned her the organ might have to be discarded if they needed to lighten the load.

"Damn, damn! Double damn!" Mattie kicked at what should have been a fire. A chip skidded across the hard packed earth and lay smoldering near one of their wagons.

"Mama?" The Denton children were wrapped in blankets. They walked Indian style and looked like four cold, hungry papooses staring at her.

One by one they stumbled over frozen ruts to the pitiful campfire. Todd and John hovered close to the smoldering chips. Phoebe held baby Cecil a short distance away wrinkling her nose at the pungent odor of the chips.

Todd, the image of his father, chastised Mattie. "Cursing is the language of the devil."

"I know. Mama shouldn't be saying words like that. But, I feel as useless as a tit on a boar hog." Mattie's gloved fingers flew to her mouth. "I shouldn't have said that either, I suppose." Mattie took the baby from Phoebe and hugged him close, trying to warm his tiny body.

"I'm cold!" Their voices rose in harmony with unwanted song.

"We must be strong. When your father returns we'll continue our journey." Her words sounded hollow even to Mattie. She thought it was so like Alvin to leave his family in the middle of nowhere to practice his chosen profession. Last night a man had ridden into camp searching for a doctor to help a woman birthing. Alvin saddled up and left promising to return as soon as he could.

Mattie gave the chips one final kick and stroke toward the wagons with the children following. "Todd, you and John crawl into the wagon. Phoebe, you're next. I'll hand baby Cecil up to you. We'll put you in Mama and Papa's big bed under the over-jets. My precious babies will get to keep warm in the feather bed." Mattie managed to hug them as she tucked them in.

"Mama is going to find something to make a fire. Then, we'll fix breakfast." She tried to give them a reassuring smile. "Maybe Papa will be back by then."

Under her breath she whispered, "Maybe his precious patient will provide us with some firewood or food. It's doubtful they'll have any money to pay the good doctor although they didn't hesitate to send for him in weather like this." Instantly, she was ashamed of herself as she thought of the woman bearing a baby. Mattie knew the pain. She also knew the loneliness of bringing a child into the world alone. She reached over and caressed Cecil's curls.

All that could be seen of Phoebe was her sandy brown pigtails and her blue eyes peering over the covers accusingly.

John bravely sat up in bed dragging the quilt with him. "I'll go with you Mama."

"No darling, you get back under the covers with your brothers and sister. I need you to stay well. This is the day we cross the Red River on a ferry boat. Won't that be fun?"

Todd's head appeared over the quilt. His dark eyes were so much like his fathers. "Mama, do you think the river might be frozen?"

"No darling, it's not cold enough to freeze the river. If your father were here he'd tell you it seems cold to us because we've been used to the tropical heat of the gulf."

Instantly she berated herself. How could she defend a man who would leave her alone with four children and no fire to cook their food?

She recalled her father's words when he learned she and the children were returning to Alvin and moving to the God forsaken land of Oklahoma. "Mattie, I would think a burned child would fear the fire. However, you are a grown, married woman with children to think about. If this is your wish, then go. But, remember, you have made your bed and you must lie in it."

Mattie smiled at the irony of it as she glanced at her bed under the over-jets. The smile turned to tears as she realized her decision meant her children must share the bed she was required to lie in.

Resolutely she secured her bandana more tightly around her head and pulled her coat close as she left the wagon. She would search the area where the other homesteaders had camped first.

Mattie wandered amidst the litter of discarded possessions. Like her organ, these things were heavy enough to slow a wagon bound for a distant land where dreams of milk and honey awaited.

As a bride, she'd promised to take Alvin for better or worse, for richer or poorer, till death did they part. Forsaking all others, they'd made four lovely children together. She'd miscarried with their fifth child. Her parents had moved her and the children to their home in Beaumont until she recovered.

Alvin pleaded with her to stay. "Mattie, my life will be empty without you and the children. I'll hire a woman to take care of you. I need you."

But Mattie couldn't shake the deep depression that made her life a living hell. It had been a God sent to let her parents take over her life. Slowly, her health returned. Upon returning home, she learned her husband had been unfaithful. Indeed, he'd neglected his duties as a physician as he spent his days and nights gambling and chasing after loose women. Alvin's practice had suffered to the point of having his license revoked in the state of Texas.

At length, Mattie decided to stay with her husband. Alvin had been wrong to cheat on her. But, she'd left him alone with temptation. But Alvin deserted her. Three years later he'd come back. And, God help her, she still loved him.

Lost in her dreams, Mattie had wandered far from her camp. She turned back in the direction of their wagons and stumbled over a discarded song book.

The sound of a pistol shot rang out.

Mattie grabbed the song book and began to run in the direction of her wagons. What was she thinking leaving her children alone? Soon, she saw two strange wagons stopped near their campsite. A man was holding a gun. Her children were gathered near him. Mattie opened her mouth to scream, to demand the man leave her children alone when the words died on her lips.

From behind the wagon, Alvin appeared with another man

Breathless, Mattie ran into the circle of people watching the carcass of a rattle snake roast in the embers of the campfire of cow chips.

Alvin gathered his wife into his arms. He motioned his children to join them. "Preacher, this is my family." Alvin nodded to the two men. "Mattie, this is Preacher Luke and his son, Jacob." Motioning to the fire, Alvin said, Thanks to Jacob we've got us a dead rattler. These fine people will be joining us on our trip."

A baby's cry came from within one of the wagons.

Jacob's face broke into a broad smile. "And, that is my daughter. Thanks to your husband, my wife and daughter are safe. We owe you a debt of thanks, Missus Denton."

"As part of that debt, Jacob has offered to move your organ onto their wagon for the crossing of the river. That'll save us having to leave it behind." Alvin said.

Mattie began to cry and dropped the song book.

Alvin picked up the book and glanced at the page. He took Mattie's hand. His other hand reached for Phoebe's. He motioned to the others until they formed a group around the fire holding hands. Then, he loosened his grip on his wife's hand and shared the open song book with her. Alvin smiled into Mattie's eyes as they followed the words of the song and began to sing, "May the circle be unbroken, by and by, Lord, by and by."